howdy.
just thought i’d poke my head in, see how things are going.
thursday’s usually my post day, but i’ve been busy both last thursday and today. i won’t be posting much, though i do want to share something extraordinary that happened yesterday.
by way of explanation and background, i’ve been helping my sister emotionally and physically deal with her marriage separation. maneuvering large sofas into very small hallways–oh my aching back!–isn’t usually how i spend my wednesdays & thursdays, but for the last two weeks, that has taken the place of blogging. after i working a long 10-12 hour night shift in my line of work, i drove the hour and some odd minutes to her place to help move and cope. it is fair to say that at this point, my moving and coping skills are about as good as my blogging.
yesterday, as a thank you gesture, she treated me to udon soup at sushiko, a japanese restaurant near delaware. things were slow and we just kinda chatted at each other with nothing really penetrating through the haze–at least that’s how *i* saw it. since i’m usually sleeping when we do all this, i wasn’t really receptive to much real-time input. neither was she, really, because she’s operating at much less than 100% herself. she’s still recovering from a back surgery she had in december (”still” because it’s difficult to recover while hefting 50 lb. bags of dog food everyday.) now add marital stress, work stress and moving stress. from this perspective it isn’t hard to picture her as one of two people talking toward each other, with neither one not really getting anything. . . .
in a quiet and unuspected moment, a very lucid sister turned to me and recounted what she and her husband talked about when they met up as we were moving out her dresser earlier in the day. i had excused myself from the private matter and sat in my truck reading until they finished.
i don’t remember exactly what she shared with me, for i was very foggy from lack of sleep, but it was sudden and unexpected, true and viscerally *real*. i uncomfortably stared at my soup as she shared how she finally got her husband to understand why they can’t be together anymore.
it was a very creepy sensation. despite my maladroitness in the situation (it is clear that i’m not really someone who can adeptly manage such a moment–which is why i’m not working in the social services field), it appears that sometimes, maybe, it doesn’t matter what kind of support one is able to give. it just matters that someone is there to do the listening so the other person can sort things out.
i only hope i helped.
just thought i’d share that.
happy thursday.
Lefty, glad you’re still about. I don’t stop in as often as I should.
I have several sisters, 2 of which have gone through divorce. For selfish reasons, I often throw up my hands and say “I no hear you!”. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but I hate hearing less than positive things about my family.
Well done, being there for your sister.
Hey “lefty”
I’m new to the so-called “blog” thing, as you know, so bear with me. I would’ve used the “contact us” link but I couldn’t figure it out. No, really. Stop laughing.
-I’m deeply moved by your recount and sincere insight on your experience. Not the experience itself but your ability to look inward and actually know why you felt the way you felt about it. Your sister is lucky to have a person like you in her life.
When my day ends, about 5 or 6p.m. I have one thing to look forward to. A buddy at work who will listen to everything I say no matter how stupid it is. Who will and can tell me everything I need to know. Who reminds me that there’s more to life than wiping butts. A buddy who is always insightful, intelligent, fun, funny and sincere. So, yes. You’re absolutely right. Just in general.
By the way, I know what I want to be when I grow up…
Let me know how I did with my new high-tech endevour.
kom,
don’t worry about being such an infrequent visitor. i’m an intermittent poster so that makes us even.
thanks for your encouragement. it seems that 2005 was the year of the breakup, for each of my siblings had a major splitup sometime in the calendar year (or close enough). i’m nearly to the point of “i no hear you,” too.
kacey,
thanks for your kind words, kacey. it’s nice to have such a vote of confidence. it’s a pleasure for me to be working with someone so honest and open, too.
it’s too bad we actually have to work at work; i’d rather just sit around and gab all day/night.